‘Twas the Night Before Star Wars
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Photo Credit: Emily Peterson
‘Twas the night before Star Wars, when all through the world,
Not a trecky was stirring, not even a borg.
The Death Stars were hung by the planets with care,
In hopes that Darth Vader soon would be there.
The Rebels were nestled all snug in their cells,
While visions of the force filled their wells.
And my friend in his seat, and I drinking a pop,
Had just settled our brains for a long saga watch,
When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Away to the doors I flew like a flash,
Pulled open the handles and threw up my hands.
The bright theater lights on the carpet floor,
Gave an ominous look to the objects I abhore.
When what to my anxious eyes did appear,
But a massive mob filling me with fear.
With a Jar Jar clad leader so purely evil,
I knew in a moment they must be the prequels.
More rapid than taun-tauns his coursers they came,
And he mouied and shouted, and called them by name.
“Now, Annie! Now, Obi! Now, Padme and Watto!
On, Grievous! On, Dooku! On, Maul and Jango!
To the top of the Senate Building, to the top of the Droid Factory,
Now hyperdrive away! Fly away! Fly away all!”
As the Tie Fighters that before the battle fly,
When they meet with an usher, mount to the sky.
So into the theater the coursers flew,
With coats full of candy, and Jar Jar too.
And then, in a mouing, I heard all about,
The prancing and pawing of each little foot.
As I pulled up my head, and was turning around,
Down on the seat Jar Jar came with a bound.
He was dressed all in silicone, from head to foot,
And his cloths were all tarnished, with tears and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung over his back,
And he looked like a Jawa just opening his pack.
His eyes, how stupid! his voice, how scary!
His cheeks were like fish, he made me so weary!
His wide mouth was drawn up in a bow,
And the ears on his head dragged in the snow.
The stump of an eyestalk above his head,
And it jiggled about making me red.
He had a long face and an oddly long belly,
That stiffened when he laughed, like a dried out jerky.
But the lights were dimming, a hint to hush,
The dread set it, and I sank into mush.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,
Gave me know I had everything to dread.
He spoke not a word, that is till the last,
At which point he changed all very fast.
Would these $45 tickets become a waste?
He mouied and talked, so I jumped up in haste,
I grabbed him and dragged him out the doors,
And now I could finally enjoy Star Wars.